Hey! Been so lacking on fanfics as of late I felt bad, so here's a little holiday piece I wrote to tide you all off until my book's out in a few weeks and "Surfacings: Eternity" Part 7's out a few weeks after that (go to my webpage at http://members.tripod.com/~Lianne_Sentar/ to hear what's going on with both of those). And check out my page for some Halloween Goodies, if I can get them up. Yoshi, I can do it! ^_^ Have fun, and happy Halloween! ^_^ -Lianne (LianneSen@aol.com) NOTE - This story is supposed to be humorous, so don't get any wrong ideas. ^_^ And also - DON'T do the stuff the senshi do in here. In most cases, it's rude and/or dangerous. Candies and characters are copyright their respective owners. Haruka and Mihciru are hetero, as they are in all my fics. *Boo! It's Halloween!* "I'm not doing it." "Sure you are." "No, I'm not." "Mamo-chan..." "No." "For me?" "No." "For the others?" "No." "For a candy bar?" "UUUUUUsako..." Usagi crossed her arms. "Fine. Candy doesn't work with you." She held out a fist. "How does a good beating sound?" Mamoru rolled his eyes. "Like you could beat *me* up...OW! OW! OW, QUIT IT!" He jumped out of the way of her lashing fists. "Fine! Fine, I'll do it! GOD you're pushy!" "You know it's not for me," she humphed as she threw a bag at him. "Put it on and get ready for trick-or-treating in 10 minutes." Mamoru moaned as his girlfriend left the room and he pulled out a very green, very girly outfit from the opaque plastic bag. "Usako," he whined to himself. "I don't WANNA be Peter Pan..." ***************** "AAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHH! (censored) (censored) this (censored) thing!" Mizuno Ami cursed as she struggled to stand up. Unsuccessful, she fell to the floor, cursing more fluently than before. "This (censored) (censored) costume can (censored) (censored)!" "What's the matter, Ami-chan?" Makoto asked from slinging a bow over her shoulder. The blue-haired woman looked at her darkly. "What's wrong?!" she growled. "I'll TELL you what's wrong Miss 'I'll get your costume because you're so busy and all'!" Ami pointed angrily to the bright, shiny green fabric wrapped around her legs. "I can NOT walk in this!" "Mermaids don't have legs," Makoto said flatly, sticking on her Robin Hood cap. "Deal with it." "I don't WANNA be a mermaid!" "It's the only costume I could find in your size so shut up and get moving," Makoto snapped as she pounded on the bedroom door. "Mina-chan! Get dressed and GET OUT HERE!" "I'm coming I'm coming!" Minako shouted angrily as she threw the door open. "Stupid COSTUME didn't come in my size!" Makoto laughed. "Haha! What exactly are you SUPPOSED to be?" Minako looked down at her huge, baggy dress and overhanging wig that nearly covered her face. "I'm a teen idol." "You look like a bag lady pretending to be a movie star!" "SHUT UP!" Minako snarled, whipping her head up; unfortunately, the fake hair had been in her eyes and she didn't see the lamp hanging down over her head. With a clang, she bonked her head on it and fell to the floor with swirlies in her hidden eyes. "O...ow..." "REI-CHAN!" Makoto called into the bathroom. "REI-CHAN! HURRY UP!" "I'm ready!" Rei breathed as she ran in, pulling the fortune-teller's veil over her face. "How do I look?" "Don't ask," Ami mumbled. "Quiet!" Rei growled, pulling her fingers through her tangled hair. "I couldn't find my brush, ok?" "Out the door, minna!" Makoto barked, pointing to the door. "We're late!" Rei ran out, accidentally yanking out a chunk of her tangled hair and screaming; Minako followed, her covered eyes causing her to crash into the door frame, the wall, and a mob of children right outside the door; and Ami, growling and cursing, tried to stand up, but only managed to drag herself through the door with her arms. Makoto brought up the rear, closing the door behind her. "Looks out, Tokyo..." ***************** "Can you tell?" Hotaru tried - she really did - but after a moment she frowned. "N...no. Gomen nasai, Setsuna-chan..." "WHAT?!" Setsuna's eyes went red. "I'm a jester! A JESTER!" Hotaru cowered. "I thought you were...a...horned creature of some sort..." "She is," Haruka said, smacking the Guardian of the Gate of Time upside the head with her pirate schimitar. Setsuna whipped at her angrily. "You!" she hissed, pointing a finger at the blond. "YOU are gonna DIE!" Haruka grinned and lifted up a small treasure chest overflowing with dubloons. "Arr! See my treasure!" "Ugh, you like that stuff TOO much," snotty Michiru said as tied her hat under her chin. "Treasure this, treasure that..." "But it's TREASURE!" Haruka shouted, hurt. "What's better than treasure? Tell me, what? What's better?" Haruka turned back to Setsuna and thrust the box in her face. "See? Don't you like my treasure, Horned One?" "DIE!!!!" "Ooh!" Michiru, dressed up like a southern belle, looked at her watch and made a fakely girly cry of surprise in a very unrealistic southern accent. "We're gonna be late, y'all!" "Oooh, that accent's REALLY bad..." Haruka ran out the door, clutching her treasure to her chest protectively, before Michiru could retort. As Michiru ran, shrieking, after her, Hotaru put on her cat ears. "Can we go?" "Die!" Setsuna growled as she chased after the other two. "Die! Haruka's gonna DIE!" Hotaru sighed and followed them. "Every year," she mumbled sadly. "I'd prefer to be with the Stupid Inner Senshi than the Insane Outers..." ***************** Seiya skipped happily down the street. Unfortunately, the suit of armor he wore made such a clanking that nearby trick-or-treaters threw eggs at him to make him stop; as a result, he fell over and was unable to get up because of the weight. "Oh no!" he cried. "I've fallen and I can't ge-" "DON'T YOU DARE!" Taiki the Dragon screamed as he hefted Seiya up. "That joke was FAR over-used in the early 90's!" Seiya began to scrape egg-whites off his costume. "Thank you, noble dragon," Seiya said in a smooth Old-English accent. "Thou art quite kind." "SHUT UP!" Yaten screamed as he caught up. His pink dress nearly tripped him. "I've had just about ENOUGH of you, Mr. 'Let's get coordinating costumes!' Why did *I* have to be the Damsel in Distress?!" Seiya shrugged. "I got what fit us best. A knight for me because I'm so noble, a dragon for Taiki because his breath smells like rotten meat on *normal* days, and a damsel for you because you look like a girl." Two huge shovels slammed into his head with a mighty clang, and Seiya was out cold. Yaten hefted him over his shoulder. "I'll show you damsel in distress, you-" "Hey!" Usagi waved from across the street, running over with her transluscent wings glittering on her back. "Lights! You made it!" "Some of us," Yaten snickered as he looked at the unconscious Seiya on his shoulder. Taiki grinned. "What a pretty costume, Tsukino-san. Are you supposed to be a fairy?" "Tinkerbell, actually." She pointed behind her. "And I have my consort right- hey? Where'd he go?" She turned around. "Mamo-chan! Mamo-chan, where are you?" Yaten squinted. "Wait...I think I see somebody in the bushes..." "I got it." Taiki picked up Seiya's sword, aimed, and threw it directly into the bushes Yaten was looking at. There was a scream, and Mamoru ran out, miraculously unhurt, but unfortunately no longer hidden. The two Lights broke into hilarity. "HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" "Shut up," Mamoru growled, fixing his little green cap. "Wow, green's your COLOR, Mamoru-san!" Yaten yowled with an eye squinched shut playfully. "But I thought grown men stayed AWAY from tights..." Mamoru threw a nearby anvil and it smashed Yaten in the face. The Light-Turned- Damsel fell over with birds twittering. "I told you, Usako," he growled. "I did NOT want to do this-" "But you are." Usagi's eyes burned. "So NO COMPLAINING, Green-Boy. We needed to pick a good two-person set, so this was the one." "I don't wanna trick-or-treat," he whined. "UUUsako, I'm 22 years old..." A fairy wand smacking him in the face shut him up. "Enough," Usagi growled. "The others are coming." Indeed, Makoto was strutting up proudly from nearby, followed by Rei, whose hands were so tangled in her hair there was no longer hope of getting them out. Ami was crawling like a worm nearby, her legs still tightly wrapped in shiny green fabric. "Hey, minna!" Makoto shouted cheerfully. "Sorry we're late!" "No no - so are we," Hotaru said as she suddenly appeared at Usagi's other side. "Gomen nasai - Haruka and Setsuna got in a bit of a brawl..." "Understood." Usagi looked around. "But what happened to Michiru?" "Ah'm here," Michiru answered in false daintiness, her accent as poor as ever as she came from behind Hotaru. "Ah caught up, and th' other two are close behind." Taiki frowned. "But that doesn't explain where Minako-san is..." "She crashed into a parked truck a block back," Ami answered from her wriggling. "She'll catch up when she comes to." Usagi smiled. "Ok, then, let's trick-or-treat!" ***************** "DIE!!!!" Setsuna screamed. "You're just jealous 'cause YOU have no treasure!" Haruka laughed as she ran. "Arr! Me treaure's the finest in the land!" Unfortunately, she was grinning with her eyes shut, and she didn't see the just-coming-to Minako on the ground. Disaster ensued. "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" "MY TREEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRREEEEEE!!!!!!" "DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!" After several minutes or screaming, biting, and dubloons flying through the air, the dust cleared on three badly bruised senshi. Minako's hair was ripped up (though it still covered her eyes), Setsuna was chewing on an empty, mangled treasure chest like a dog devouring the meat of its opponent, and Haruka was crying. "My treasure..." she sobbed. "My treasure..." Setsuna spat out the box. "Serves you right," she growled. "NOBODY insults me and gets away with it." Haruka's eyes filled with rage. "WHY YOU-" She leaped at the Guardian of Time, and the two began grappling on the ground. Minako watched them as she tried to fix her hair. "Um...guys? Could you quit it?" They didn't hear her. Sighing, Minako picked herself up and slowly walked in the direction she thought the others would be in, crashing into a mailbox on the way. CLANG "Ow!" ***************** "TRICK OR TREAAAAAATTTTTT!!!" "Oh my!" the middle-aged woman cried with delight in her door. "What lovely costumes!" She tickled a grinning Taiki under the chin. "And a little dragon carrying an unconscious knight! How c...ut...e..." Examining Seiya more carefully, her eyes widened. "Is...is he ok?" "He's fine," Yaten retorted, sticking out his pillowcase. "Fill 'er up." After distributing candy to the brightly-costumed lot (and bending over to stick a Snickers in Ami's open mouth) the woman clasped her hands in front of her chest and smiled. "So lovely. You all look wonderful. How old are you?" "TOO OLD FOR THIS!" Mamoru screamed from the back, but was immideately silenced by a Robin Hood bow swacking him upside the head. The woman blinked as the group shoved off her doorstep. "Thank you, ma'am!" Usagi called as she hustled her sour boyfriend down the street, the others in tow. "Wht'd yu gt?" Ami asked through a mouthful of caramel. "Ah got a Dum Dum," Michiru answered as she looked through her bag. "Well, they say you are what you eat," Yaten snickered as he took out a Snickers. (AN: Did anybody just get that joke?) "Ooooh! Nutrageous!" Rei cried, then realized what Yaten had said. "Hey...wait a minute..." (AN: DId anybody get THAT joke?) "Next house!" Makoto ordered, and the troop went up the street. Piling onto another doorstep (Ami crawling with her arms), Hotaru rang the doorbell. An elderly man answered the door, and the group thrust out their bags (with the exceptions of the unconscious Seiya, the unwilling Mamoru, and Ami, who just opened her mouth expectantly). "TRICK OR TREAT!!!" "Oh!" the man cried, laughing. "I'd rather give up a treat than recieve a trick!" He dropped candies in the bags. "'Mounds'?" Taiki made a face. "Don't you know NOBODY likes those, old man?" Michiru elbowed him for being so rude, but it was too late. "Yeah!" Yaten added. "Only OLD people like THIS coconut crap!" "What?" The old man, stepped back, hurt; then his eyes slowly cleared with recognition, and he growled. "Hey! *I* know you, you little silver-haired punk! You're the brat that keeps egging my car!" Yaten's eyes widened. "P...principal Yoshiro?" The old man took off his old-man mask, revealing a fuming middle-aged one. "YATEN KOU!!! I KNEW it was you!!" Yaten screamed and ran, the principal (running surprisingly fast for a man in his 40's) close behind. The other senshi blinked and chased after them. "Yaten-san, RUN!!" "Throw candy behind you! Nugat can blind!" "Somebody carry me! I can't RUN on my arms!" "Aggh! I dropped my bow!!" "Aggh! I dropped SEIYA!" "Ah DO declare, this is QUAHT th' wrong time for-" "SHUT UP, MICHIRU!!!" ***************** Minako held out her bag, though she couldn't see towards whom. "Trick or treat." The prankster teenagers hiding in the bushes blinked at her outstretched bag, then dropped in an egg and ran away laughing. Minako, her overhanging hair still blinding her, reached in, took the egg, and put it in her mouth. CRUNCH She sighed as egg-yolk dripped down her face. "I hate Halloween..." ***************** "Trick or treat," Setsuna and Haruka said in unison. They were battered, bloody, and glaring, but they were not willing to give up free candy, even if it meant putting up with each other for a while. The girl in the doorway blinked. "Oh my...what are you two supposed to be?" "A pirate," Haruka spat, her eyepatch dangling from around her neck. "Gimme candy and leave me alone." The girl obeyed, looking over Setsuna. "And you must be...some kind of horned creature?" Setsuna's eyes went red. "I'M A JESTER!!!" "No, you're not," Haruka growled. "You're a horned treasure destroyer!" Setsuna whipped at her. "DDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The two jumped at each other again, locked in mortal combat (AN: Different spelling, so I can't get sued!). They rolled down the steps, Setsuna's jester cap falling off her head and getting crushed beneath their rolling bodies. The girl casually closed the door. ***************** Mamoru crossed his arms. "Fine. They can run after Yaten for all I care. I'm staying here." Ami, on the ground by his feet, sighed. "Yeah. I think I've had enough of this mad arm-pulled dash. I'm quitting." Mamoru nodded; then, something caught his eye. "What's that?" he asked, squinting at the dark object nearby. Ami crawled over to it, pulling it into the light of a streetlamp. Battered armor caught the light and shone faintly. "Hey," Ami remarked tiredly. "It's Seiya." "I think they dropped him," Mamoru commented as he sat down beside the other two. "Might as well keep him with us." Ami took Mamoru's bag. "May I?" "Help yourself," he said with a wave of his hand. Ami fished through the candy, emerging with a handful of goodies. "You like Reese's cups, Mamoru-san?" "Yeah." Ami handed him one, sticking a lollipop in her mouth. Looking down at Seiya as she sucked, she had a second thought, and opened a package of Skittles. She gently fed him one; he coughed and nearly choked on it, but finally his comatose body started to chew. "He'll be around any second, then," Ami commented. "Chewing means he's coming to." "That's nice," Mamoru commented as he opened his package. Taking off his Peter Pan cap and setting it beside him, he stuck the Peanut Butter Cup in his mouth. "Happy Halloween, Ami-chan." "Yeah," Ami smiled as she cradled Seiya's head in her lap. "Happy Halloween." ***************** "Well, he's done for," Usagi sighed as she stopped, panting. "Principal Yoshiro runs like a madman." "He coached the relay team for 20 years," Rei added, her hands still firmly entangled in her hair. "There's no chance we could catch up." The two girls were alone on the street, the other members of their party still chasing after Yaten and the enraged principal. Usagi fished through her bag and pulled out with a package of Smarties. "Candy break?" "Candy break," Rei agreed, sitting on the curb. "Put something in my mouth? My hands are still stuck." "Sure," Usagi replied, popping a Jumior Mint in Rei's mouth. Chewing on her Smarties, the blond asked, "You think Minako's still alive?" "Doubt it," Rei answered, and the two went back to their candy. ***************** From within the huge ditch, Minako sighed. Sitting down and wrapping her arms around her knees, she buried her face in the fabric of her overly-large costume. "Oh God...I have no idea where I am...I was just walking and I couldn't see and then suddenly I was falling...I'm probably in the middle of nowhere...nobody's gonna find me...I'll die here..." Screaming made her look up. There was a streaming of pebbles, and the sound of a body thumping beside her; she brushed the hair out of her face excitedly to see who it was. A young man dressed like a Telly Tubby met her gaze. "Who are you?" Minako asked. "Huh?" He looked around, confused, then sat up and started brushing himself off. "I must've left the party...who are you?" "Aino Minako," she said quickly. "Now c'mon - who are you? Do you know where we are? Can you get us out?" Scratching his head, the young man looked around. "I...dunno..." he answered confusedly. "I'm Hibiki Ryoga, and I was just looking for the bathroom..." ***************** Yaten curled up in the bushes, his eyes squinched shut. "Please don't find me, PLEASE don't find me..." "Hey!" A teenager caught sight of him and pointed. "Yoshiro-san! He's right here!" A huge hand snaked into the bushes and grabbed Yaten's dress' collar. He screamed. "Time to REALLY put you in distress, damsel," the man growled as his face appeared through the greenery. Yaten's screames echoed through the night. ***************** "Butterfinger," Taiki mumbled from around it. "And you?" Hotaru pointed happily to the bar halfway in her mouth. "Krackle!" "You think we shoulda ditched Yaten?" Makoto asked as she feasted upon a King-Sized Three Muskateers. "Who ditched?" Michiru said with a shrug. "That little boy got what he dahserved. Why should we have to run ahfta him?" "Agreed," Hotaru commented as she sat down. "Could somebody pass a Mounds?" ***************** Haruka hugged her Chocolate Gold Coins happily. "Arr! Me treasure's not lost! Me and th' crew can start a new one!" Setsuna, quite through with fighting, sat on a curb dejectedly and chewed a Mounds. "Whatever, Freak." "Jealous jealous," Haruka chimed as she sat down beside her. "You don't wanna share with me, Guardian?" "No," Setsuna spat, turning away. Haruka shrugged and starting making a new treasure chest out of the newspaper that had been her pirate hat. A little kid dressed like Elmo ran by and stopped, staring at the bloody beaten pair. "Woah!" he cried. "Nice costumes!" Setsuna blinked. "W...what?" "A dead pirate and a dead jester who's missing her hat!" The boy giggled and ran off. Haruka's eyes were wide. "D...dead?" "Close enough," Sestuna mumbled as she shoved a Pixie Stick in her mouth. The End -Happy Halloween, minna-chan! See you soon! ^_^ -Lianne (LianneSen@aol.com) *Sailor Moon and all its characters are copyright Naoko Takeuchi/Kodansha Ltd./Toei Animation, Co., Ltd. and the English adaptation is copyright 1995 DIC productions, LP. This story is copyright Lianne Sentar, July 1998. **DOWN WITH DUB-BASHING!!! ÿ